Dear Men, Sincerely Pause. (Or Why Menopause Matters to You.)
This 10-min Menopause Manifesto will wake you up to how menopausal know-how will positively impact your relationships and business in the long run.
Author Marcela Gómez, CEO of Culture Shift Team, travels with her pocket fan in hand—her secret weapon for battling menopausal hot flashes—while enjoying life through this intense process.
Dear Men, Women and Anyone Who's Ever Been in the Presence of a Woman,
Some of you know me as Marcela Gómez, multicultural marketing expert and CEO of Culture Shift Team. Others may know me as a mom, sister, daughter, mentor and many nouns in between. Let me introduce myself here as Marcela, a 57-year-old woman living with menopause (or should it be called, womanpause?).
It might be weird to introduce myself this way but I’ve found it’s essential to understand all sides of a human being, seeing as we have to bring all our identities with us in one physical body everywhere we go.
While most folks want to shun the notion of speaking openly about matters that have historically been taboo, I don’t want to keep repeating that mistake.
So here is my Menopause Manifesto where I hope to shed some light (not my uterus lining) on the life-changing event for anyone who’s gone through most of the years of their lives bleeding out every month. This isn’t just for them, though, as I believe it’s crucial for everyone to gain some sliver of knowledge on menopause in order to talk openly about it and provide what can be life-saving education for many.
This isn’t racy—this is a health issue after all!— but I promise there isn’t a dull moment when talking about a human metamorphosing.
In ten minutes or less, you will come out more knowledgeable or more relieved at relating—either way, you’ll come out with a fresh perspective on rebelling against the status quo to make the world a better place.
We’ll cover the basics: how to navigate menopause as a woman and a man, how to not treat women like they’re from another dimension, how you (as a non-menopausal woman) can act right in menopausal situations, why looking at menopause holistically is incredibly important, how we can all easily shift the convo around menopause, and—lastly—how leaving all this earthy knowledge in the ground damages your business in the long run.
Let’s splash in these murky waters, shall we? (With tampons, of course.)
I. The Human Condition is Messy. Period.
Let’s start with the continuous affliction for womb-owners: blood spilling out of us all day, every day, for six days every month for—get this—forty years*. Forty!
(If you’re thinking Carrie, you’re on the right track).
I mean, we have to plan our entire lives around when our periods come.
Imagine: Want to wear white? No can do. Sexy date night tonight? We’ll see how we feel… Or, vacations (especially anything involving water), conferences, getting up to do anything at all (gravity isn’t kind to us when we decide to get up after sitting for some time), parties, appointments, swims—we have to plan anything and everything really.
These are the things that men in our lives don't have to think about
On top of all of this, we’ve been considered the “weaker gender” for ages now, a completely outdated idea that comes especially from men—thank God that’s being wiped out now. Because, yes, women were considered crazy (like actually put into unethical psych wards) for hitting menopause or being hormonal as we bled out for days, not too long ago!
Trust me, men, it would be easier if we just bled like you normally do. Not only are we bleeding out, we have to remember we are bleeding. This isn’t a cut on our arms we can see and move on with after a bit of water and soap.
Our bodies just do this as we are walking, driving, sitting for coffee, or grabbing lunch when all of a sudden our clothes are stained because we forgot we didn’t get it on time. We have to have pads and tampons available at the ready for us or any other woman who needs them and we need to remember to change our tampons every few hours since we run the risk of losing our legs to toxic shock syndrome.
Yeah, did you know we have to remember we’re gushing blood and worry about irreparable bodily harm? I bet you didn’t.
As you can see, every detail of our lives revolves around this constant knowledge at the back of our minds for our cycles and it invades every action we take and decision we make.
Why am I telling you all this? Surely, you’ve had open and honest conversations with your loved ones about all this, know all of their symptoms as well and treat them with the respect and compassion that calls for this nightmare right? Right…
Which is precisely my point. The human condition—and yes having periods is kind of a requirement for womb-owners—is messy. But it doesn’t have to be shunned or seen as disgusting.
*On average—I mean imagine the extremes!
II. Women Are Not Werewolves and Are Most Certainly Not from Venus
Let’s pause a moment and talk about menopause’s younger sister, perimenopause. Oof, there’s another one? Yes. This is a transition period that can start from anywhere in a woman’s 30s (yes, thirties!) or 40s and can last for over four years.
Then a year after our last period we officially hit menopause—or more like menopause then hits us (like a freight train filled with ungodly symptoms).
After two full years of irregular periods which eventually stopped, I thought “Wow, this is another life.” I don’t have to think about all these other things anymore! The blood, the staining! The freedom, the sheer joy. Ecstasy.
To be clear, it wasn’t the period that hit me hard (although for some women they turn basically comatose in pain and even go to the hospital for it). It was the simple fact that I bled out for 40 years, every month, for days on end.
We women sit in meetings with our male counterparts and travel and work on projects and walk hours and exercise all while we bleed. And then we start menopause.
But no one told me what to expect with menopause—because no one, not even my gyno, talks about menopause.
That’s why I talk about it.
Although some women would rather not talk about it, they’re going to go through it either way and—trust me—we need all the help we can get figuring this out. Better to skillshare on how to navigate menopause right?
In my case, I noticed very acute mood swings where I’d turn angry rapidly for no reason, which starkly contrasts my normally positive demeanor. I even walked into my apartment one time and physically wanted to throw all my furniture out of the balcony. Like what? Who was I, the Hulk?
I kept observing the anger and I kept getting angrier at the anger because I couldn’t figure out why I was so angry. A younger friend of mine who knew my age finally sent me an email link to a menopause page and the realization that I was going through this struck me like an arrow strikes its target.
The thing is, I had just realized at 46 that my symptoms had begun almost a decade earlier at 38 years old when I started sweating tons. I had no idea I was already in perimenopause.
The unfortunate fact is the most common thing we know about menopause is that your period stops and you can’t give birth to a baby anymore. But there is so much more to be aware of and learn about.
For example, every woman is different but here are the symptoms I’ve suffered while experiencing menopause:
Hot flashes, like sticking my head into the freezer to feel comfortable enough to breathe because I felt like I was burning inside
Mood swings, like the aforementioned Hulk-level anger
Weight gain and slowed metabolism
Bubbles of sweat on my face
Mind-splitting headaches
Shortness of breath
Trouble sleeping
Vaginal dryness
Night sweats
Chills
Depending on your family, background, or culture it can sometimes be difficult to reach out to loved ones and ask them about their experiences with menopausal symptoms. My culture for example has a “We don’t talk about Bruno” mentality toward menopause so it was easier for me to research online and share it with my friends who are mostly younger than me. Poor things—I think I scared them, but someone had to tell them.
A pro tip I’ve learned from my symptoms? Get yourself a pocket purse hand fan and take it with you everywhere you go—I have a collection of about 60 (they’re my new travel souvenir!).
So it turns out, I wasn’t crazy or out of control. It was just time for me to go through what my mother and others had called “The Change” when I was younger (when I thought that menopause was 100 years away and not just 20 short years). I realize now naming it was just another way to cover up something as if we should be ashamed of it.
So, for me, calling it what it is and saying how I navigate it is empowering. (And, seriously, who came up with “The Change”? Women are not werewolves.)
III. Your Role in the Menopausal Mindfield aka How You Can Act Better
Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you hanging for a “how to act in a menopausal situation in real life” scenario! I didn’t forget the part that said you were involved in this process too.
Here are three scenarios that have happened to me in real life with men. Can you guess which one is the only one that I appreciated? Let’s find out!
Scene #1:
I’m in a face-to-face meeting with a male client of my age when all of a sudden my face becomes covered in bubbles of sweat (not drops, bubbles!). He was caught so off-guard he thought I was having a heart attack! When I told him it was menopause he had a deer-in-headlights reaction look. He caught himself and asked if I wanted some water instead.
It had really surprised him that I had said that directly to him—and that my menopause symptoms looked like I was having a heart attack (trust me, you wouldn’t wish the sensation I was having on anyone either).
My immediate thought was: how come he doesn’t know I’m going through menopause? But how could I expect him to know when I was also discovering my own symptoms?
Scene #2:
I’m at a networking event with 60 people listening to a seminar. I begin to feel like my face is going to explode (hot flash), take out my hand fan and start fanning myself.
All of a sudden, an older male colleague comes up to me and says, “What’s with the fan, Gómez?” I responded with his name: MENOPAUSE.
He sort of stopped dead in his tracks because it’s a word that people don’t normally use. It makes women feel like they shouldn’t have this conversation going or even start it in the first place but that’s crazy! It makes us feel as if we’re going through something that should embarrass us—as if it’s something alien that doesn't happen to anyone but in fact happens to half the world population!
Scene #3:
I’m at a restaurant in Nashville and begin to fan myself (see a theme here?). An older man walks by and asks, “Internal combustion?”
He got it. I could tell he had experienced this with his spouse already and knew what was going on. Yes, solidarity affirmation and validation are all in a nod of the head and two words: internal combustion. Bam. It’s that easy.
It’s as simple as acknowledging what we are going through and not making it weird for us.
Now that you know more about this and how it's probably happening or has happened to all the women in your life, start by giving us the space for dignity and respect. It’s the room for conversation that makes all the difference.
I’ve always been a person open to my stories and experiences because I am not embarrassed about my life. It is what it is and I have lived it fully. I know I’m not the only person alive going through menopause. Men should know this too.
We shouldn’t be made to feel awkward or ashamed or rare for having the most natural—and empowering, if you let it—of experiences.
You tell me—which scenario sounds best?
IV. Being a Woman is a Gift, Not a Misery
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a woman and I’m not complaining. I just want to bring awareness to ourselves and give ourselves the glory and honor that life has granted us through our bodies.
I mean this is a celebration of women after all, is it not?
We have to constantly go through a process of self-love, self-care and self-reclamation through all our bodies put us through. That’s one hell of a lifetime mission.
Imagine: You are nine years old and your body changes, you start bleeding. Now you have to keep up with your body every month and plan your whole life, parties, class schedule and more around it. This never stops. All of a sudden, your body changes again—much, much earlier than you thought it would.
Your body shape changes without you wanting it to. You have to relive yourself and your own identities in this new body of yours now. It continues to adjust itself as you get older. You have to learn to constantly rearrange your own ideas about your body and accept it as it is and what it will become anyway.
For me, my body shape changed suddenly. My hips and my upper body became wider and my boobs grew. Everything in your body begins to dry up. It’s a heavy change to handle.
It’s crazy because my mother told me this would happen when I was younger, but again I thought it was eons away. The body that I have today isn’t the body I had five or six years ago so now I have to adapt to a new form of my body.
The good thing about this now is that there are so many natural foods and actions we can take as women that we can stay energized and vibrant in conversations—something our mothers and grandmothers couldn’t experience.
Every woman is different—it can take about 10 years to get through it. This is the beautiful and intense process of being a woman.
What I choose to see at the end of the day is strength.
That’s the common denominator for every woman experiencing any one of these changes—and kudos for taking it with grace, especially when helped, not harmed further, by her male colleagues and friends.
V. It’s the Convo That Needs an Upgrade
This sort of feels like the “it’s not you, it’s me” break-up part of a movie. The one where the party that’s being broken up with knows what’s coming but doesn’t really want to hear it (that’s you). Except this time around, it’s not me, it’s you.
Awareness through education is key to moving this conversation forward.
We, as a society, need to break up with the notion that women’s health is a taboo topic, that it’s gross or “unnatural” (contrary to popular belief, women most certainly do not come from Venus nor men from Mars—we all come from right here on Earth).
Again, if you haven’t talked to one woman in your life about this, reach out and ask. Have the convo. It might seem a little weird at first but that’s okay, we learn as we live right? She will appreciate the consideration and how best to support or acknowledge these times.
For women here, it’s as easy as sending a text as I did to some male colleagues or picking up the phone and calling your son or spouse and letting them know you're going through these changes. Ask your gyno and doctors directly. Reach out to other women and ask for support and help.
Having those conversations without the taboo is beautiful.
All I want to do is share my process with the hope that it will create awareness so we can better live our lives around us.
Someone who’s helped me with this is Dr. Mary Claire Haver, founder of The ‘Pause Life. Dr. Haver has easy-to-follow education and resources for every stage of menopause on her Insta @thegalvestondiet so make sure to check her out if you want to be helped along your own journey.
VI. Ignoring Menopause is B4B for B2Bs
Still asking why this is important for work? Well, ignoring menopause is bad for business.
I mention this in many of my posts, so I’ll repeat it here: I am a whole person in the same body. This same body houses Marcela with menopause, Marcela as a CEO, Marcela as a single mother, and on and on and on. It’s the same house. I can’t separate Marcela.
So when Marcela the business owner has a meeting, she brings Marcela who has menopause.
This is why I believe education is #1—and that businesses are fully capable of educating their workforce, it’s truly never too late.
These healthcare situations and convos need to be available from a business perspective. There are so many available resources everyone can have. It all starts with not being ashamed of what’s happening in our bodies and being able to have a conversation about it.
Transparency is key here. '
Yes, menopause is not talked about enough, even less so than her younger cousin Period. We should freely and non-judgmentally talk about them both though because you will interact with humans on a daily basis, and many of those will be women experiencing extreme discomfort and life changes while looking like absolutely nothing is going on with them inside (like most of you feel on a daily basis).
I love being a woman and I love celebrating women. There is respect in solidarity from your colleagues, peers, boss’, and workplace systems, which make us function better in situations that we really do not have any control over. We give birth to the world and its inhabitants—yes, some parts of us work differently at different stages.
It really is enough to just be aware. To normalize menopausal awareness. Is this such an unreasonable ask?
Imagine: you feel confident and secure in yourself and your colleagues. You know everyone is receiving the help, guidance and support they need. Everything runs better and smoother and everyone wants to show up.
Part of being part of a team, from a partnership, family member or work team, is that you have each other’s backs even if you don’t fully understand what the other person is going through.
Just as you would give respect to someone when experiencing grief, a divorce, or just a bad day, any life-altering event or progression of it, you’d be treating this the same way—because it is.
At Culture Shift Team, we help bridge this awareness gap between you, your company and employees, and your target audience. We think of all the symptoms both inside and outside your company is having and we make a strategic plan and IMPLEMENT it to have long-lasting, sustainable and, most importantly, accurate and inclusive results.
Come chat with us. After all, it’s just good for business.
Sincerely,
A Female Entrepreneur and CEO with Menopause